The 6 People You're Guaranteed to Meet in Any Office

The pack leader stands by the water, stalking her prey. She waits for just the right moment before pouncing on the latest addition to the landscape. No,, this is not the majestic plains of the Serengeti. It’s the water cooler of the American office.

Much like the animal kingdom, the office environment is rich with a variety of species, each with their own characteristics. It doesn’t matter what a company does, the same types of personalities seem to appear across the board. Check them out here, and add more in the comments below.

1. The Megaphone: In a nutshell: the loudest person in the office. Literally incapable of doing anything quietly, The Megaphone eats loudly. Laughs loudly. Closes drawers loudly. Even his breathing is loud. Sitting in the cube next to him will kill your soul. Stuck next to this guy? Invest in ear buds.

2. Page 6: This person doesn’t go to the water cooler, she is the water cooler. Need the scoop on the latest hire? Find Page 6. To be honest, she’ll probably find you. And talk your ear off. Not only does she know all of the major players in each inter-office spat, she even knows how the VP’s wife takes her martini. A word to the wise: watch what you say to her.

3. The Sloth: Allergic to work, the Sloth still miraculously manages to skate by. Unfamiliar with the concept of urgency, the Sloth is never in a rush. Ever. Urgent flags on emails are mere suggestions, and elicit nothing from the Sloth. In college, the Sloth was the person who never contributed to any group projects but still ended the semester with As.

4. Teacher’s Pet: The kid that used to bring an apple for the teacher in elementary school is still at it. Only now it’s less Red Delicious and more excel spreadsheet—complete with pivot tables, tabs broken out by year and a pie chart thrown in for good measure. Desperate to be the right-hand of the boss, the Teacher’s Pet can be a bit of a tattletale, and has never met a bus he couldn’t throw someone under.

5. The Peacock: If this were high school, the Peacock would get voted “best dressed.” He matches his socks to his tie, has a collection of watches, and is not afraid of a bold pair of cufflinks. Co-workers often ask the Peacock if he has an important meeting or hot date because his everyday look is just so dapper. The walk to the cafeteria may only be 15 feet, but that is the Peacock’s runway and every week is Fashion Week.

6. Worker Bee: So focused is she on her daily to-do list, the Worker Bee doesn’t have time to chit-chat, g-chat or even eat lunch. Nothing will prevent her from getting a project done. Not snowstorms, nor traffic jams. Not even epileptic shock. Think perfect attendance, flawless execution and occasional panic attacks. Not to be confused with the Teacher’s Pet, the Worker Bee doesn’t seek praise or attention but works only get the job done.

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